Exit Wounds
by Eira Lloyd
Summary: Spoilers for S02E13 "Exit Wounds". Owen's death and her own through Toshiko's eyes. One-shot.


**A/N: Well, I was working on my Torchwood rewrite and I got to the part where Owen and Tosh die and I simply couldn't press pause. It's been two years since I first watched Exit Wounds, but it's my first time writing about their deaths. To quote Tosh: I hope I did good. And I'm sorry for the feels.**

**Exit Wounds.**

This wasn't supposed to happen. They were supposed to save the city, get Jack back, and punish those responsible for this mess. They weren't supposed to die in the process.

If only Toshiko and Ianto had got to the nuclear station in time, if only Owen didn't have to go. If only Toshiko had been paying attention to what was happening around her instead of giving in to the sensation of safety the Hub gave her, she might've been ready for Gray and would not have got shot.

Many things had gone wrong. Many things could've gone differently. In many ways, everything could've been all right.

But it hadn't been, and now here they were.

Tosh lied. She told Owen it was her arm. She didn't tell him it was her stomach. She didn't tell him she was bleeding out, and that she would die if she didn't get medical attention as soon as possible. No, she injected herself with a strong painkiller instead, enough to help Owen lock the meltdown within the nuclear station. She reminded him to get out. He said he wouldn't forget.

If only she had predicted that surge of power.

And Toshiko blamed herself. She was _good_ at this, _she should've known. _She should've been able to stop it.

But she didn't. And now Owen would die. His body would slowly decompose under his eyes.

And here he was, raging his way into oblivion.

"Please stop," she begged him.

"Why? Give me one good bloody reason why, one good reason I shouldn't keep screaming."

"Because you're breaking my heart." She couldn't keep the pain out of her voice, and tears streamed down her face. But really, who could've blamed her? She had already lost Owen once, she was about to lose him for the second time — and she would lose her life as well.

She wasn't afraid of death. If she had been, she never would've accepted the job in the first place. One does not simply work at Torchwood if they're afraid to die.

Tosh simply did not want Owen to die again. And at the same time, she didn't want him to know she was dying. She didn't want to die alone either. But here she was, talking to one of the people she cared about the most in this world, not feeling so bitter, but reminiscing, remembering good moments in their lives — Space Pig, for example — and she was slightly smiling. Yes, this was how she wanted to go, with a smile on her face.

And then, "It's starting."

She knows what Owen means and she's not sure she's ready to go through this. She wants to tell him one last thing, but he interrupts her, and says the only words that she needed to hear, ones that made her feel better than she had seconds ago.

"It's all right. Really, Tosh. It's all right."

She watched the monitor as Owen dies, how he simply disappears from the screen, and suddenly it feels like when the medic was thrasing and screaming, about how he did not want to die a second time, not so soon, only it's worse now. Because there's only a silence on the other end, no one to reassure her that everything would be okay, regardless if it were true or not.

And here comes Jack, and Gwen, and Ianto. And she tells them. Owen was trapped inside the nuclear station, but she couldn't save him. Oh, but she wishes she had. She so desperately wishes she had.

Toshiko doesn't die alone. She dies surrounded by friends, with a smile on her face. That was enough for her. Just like Owen said: it's all right. It really is.

* * *

"Okay. So... If you're seeing this, I guess it means, I'm... well, dead. Hope it was impressive! Not crossing the road or an incident with a toaster. I just wanted to say... It's okay. It really is. Jack, you saved me. You showed me all the wonders of the universe and... all those possibilities. And I wouldn't have missed it for the world. Thank you. And Owen, you never knew. I love you. All of you. And... I hope I did good."

Yes, Toshiko. You did good. You really did.


End file.
